Not All That Narnian...

"I don't wanna be afraid, I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today, and know that I'm okay cuz everyone's perfect in unusual ways. You see I just wanna believe in me."

- 'Believe In Me' by Demi Lovato

That song sometimes brings me to tears. If you listen to the full song, the lyrics and the tune perfectly describe how I feel about myself and the world. I find that it is a very inspiring and hopeful song that always makes me feel better.

If I could change the world in any small way, I would try and help people have a better view of themselves, mainly because I think of myself so poorly. Elwen knows more than anyone that I complain about myself a lot. Emma, too. But it is pretty difficult to have a healthy self-esteem when everything around you is perfection (or almost perfection).

As I always say, "The reason that girls have it harder than guys is because they have to look good for boys, other girls, and themselves." There's a lot of pressure. Not just the media, although that is a huge part of it. Part of my problem is that the people that surround me are all 'practically perfect in every way'.

Let's see... I cannot think of a single one of my friends who is not beautiful/handsome. I have never had a crush on any of my guy friends, but they are all good looking. Don't get me started on my girl friends. Elwen is probably the prettiest girl in our class. Think about it. Emma is a stick-skinny, fashionable, and very pretty girl. Calli is drop dead gorgeous, and I think that her older sister Elise is the most beautiful girl I have ever met. Sara is multi-talented, fun, and pretty. Ashley and Janine, who are both so amazingly beautiful that I'm surprised they like me, Rose, who's not only an amazing actress, singer, and fashionista, but is super cute, Anna Marie and Gracia, who are sooooooooooo pretty. And my own sister, too. I'm surrounded by these people all the time, and they're all nice, good people with talents and outstanding qualities and good looks and good grades. Then there's me. I sometimes wonder how these people got stuck with me. Inside and out, I figure that I am not good enough to deserve all of these girls/guys. I am not smart enough, not thin enough, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not brave enough, not this, that, etc.

But I have to wake myself up once and awhile. I am smart: I'm an honor student. (Hehe... Doigel...) I am smart: I made El's Dad pull over, made Mikayla H. snort while laughing, and have created most of my family's inside jokes. I don't know about thin... LOL. I am at the very least somewhat pretty, because I have been told before. And I am brave enough: I stood up for friends when no one else would (6th grade of EVIL). Unless I have a month and can whip up some Polyjuice Potion (more Harry Potter, sorry), I am still going to be me today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life. So I had better make the best of it.

(Note: Check out http://www.dove.us/#/features/videos/default.aspx[cp-documentid=8354359]/ and watch 'Under Pressure' followed by 'Evolution'. Both were real eye-openers. And listen to 'Believe in Me'. And buy me some chocolate.)

"A lady of Narnia must try and not lose her mind when she is stuck in a super small van for 6 stinkin' hours!!!"